Saturday, October 23, 2010

Love hurts..just a little...

so Lady M and I.. we didn't take the cruise that Sunday. Its weird man. I always thought that being married to one lady for decades would make it impossible to learn anything new from a new woman. From Sandy I learned to fight for myself using my inner strengths against my ex wife's attempts to stick my ass in prison.

From Lady M I learned so much I'll never even be able to grasp it all. See she left me last Sunday. Christ it was the hardest thing to do was to watch her walk away. Then came the second set of cops to talk to me cause her friend, her meddlesome friend that bitch had busybody had called the cops and said I was" mentally abusing" lady M. The cops asked me for lady M told them to come in and search they were cool but thorough. Told them I was drunk they laughed said it was my house I could do whatever I wanted. They said they had to go,  but explained reason the mental abuse charge was wrong was because the victim would still be at location taking the abuse. The fact that Lady M was not here and that I was drunk in a happy way meant that this was just another instance of life. Walked them to the gate said goodbye. Went back upstairs  Laid down and silently wept at the days events. Now it was a total of 8 cops that Lady M had used in one day to tell me she no longer wanted me there. Just one day before we were to take off on a 5 day Mexican coast cruise, her first.

Almost 2 Months had had passed since Lady M told me during one of my manic job searches as a line cook or asst prep short order cook. That I was better suited as a Financial Adviser/ business manager I was like at the time..yeah right!! Couple months late 2 weeks ago Lady M handed me a check for 18 thousand as a fee for investment counseling services.  Its been now since last Sunday since I saw M she came bye again with 2 more cops to pick up her things and left me the apt..I guess.

So I change my website as Lady M had helped to do and she even made business cards as a Investment counselor. Usually one would wake up from such a dream, but this shit got weird. So I start getting calls from criagslist from guys that read my website and want me to trade foe them. Apparently I do know what I'm babbling about. Today it got serious some dude called wants me to take over his personal account and all accounts he brings his to get 20% off them in 3 months. I mean the guy won't let up. So I must know what the hell I speak of as we spoke for about a couple hours of phone.

I never really felt he was picking  my brain. As there really ain't much to pick there anymore. Its just he was like dueling with me sparing if you will with financial instruments. So after he told me about this deal and well emailed it too. I thought to myself. Hmm I think Ill just ask for a contract to build him a fortune and he can just take over my needs through a commission or salary thing but whatever it takes. I want to get a new place to live ALONE this time and just take off to Rome,Florence Italy plain and simple. I once ruled my little kingdom and was I guess happy in a dutiful husband,and fatherly way to my kids. Now its different. I feel that solitary oneness of the old spice guy and I fucking like it. Yea am asking this dude for some paid time in Rome nothing to lose at this point. I'll need it to be complete again. About 2 months ago I was working in the kitchen of a boardwalk bistro at the beach.

Maybe you can see why I can't bring myself to cash Lady M's check. No other woman with hardly knowing me saw so much in me that she changed my life and my own vision of self worth and in the end I destroyed her love a long time ago,but never listened to her about it. Her check will stay un-cashed and I will never forget her.

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