Thursday, April 29, 2010

Have saved almost enough

Ok am close really close now,. I have close to 3 thousand,. now pay Lady M about a grand and am good with her debt,. I have decided after alot of soul searching to leave in June to Italy,. even though I apologized to Lady M for telling her shit when she left for her trip,. I figure shes a big girl and doesn't need me to explain to her whats its all about,. I think shes a apt lifer and there's nothing I can do,. I truly hope she finds what shes looking for and me too for that matter,. Still my love and affection for Lady M run deep,. but those 4 days messed me up and kinda made me hard against any further heartbreak,. Came close to dying and well fuck this life here,. I just want to be working and happy that's all,. Figure in Italy I no longer have to prove anything any honey can check it herself or as I have daydreamed,. I walk by with a gorgeous Italian honey and I casually point out my name on Vatican wall! LMAO  that would so rock,.

Yea I need Her

Life's boldness and might is awesome?. I'm no longer the same fucker I was as of last Sunday. Will I fall in love next time? Fuck yea how else can you know if your alive unless you make sweet,deep love to a gorgeous woman. How...??? Will Lady M and I be together after I pick her up at airport? Don't know. This is a new stepping stone on the path of life, I have to overcome. See I learned tonight that lack of privacy and lack of space are abuse. Guess since I've only known 27 years of marriage on a 27/24 basis we ran a business together as partners. So I seem to look maybe style or try to bend a relationship to one that borders on obsession..yikes...

Thats fucking creepy if you think about it,more that it took me a year and half to get at least the concept of it. To me all that a man has left is the word of honor he gives a woman. I told M I would be true to her and I was. Didn't sleep around. Yet today I spoke to old friends and made a new one. I like it when younger girls chase me. Yea my ego is tiny, but its a almost 50ish thang lmao. am 49 in June. Seville looks closer now am late by a couple months. Yet am in shape and ready for my fight there.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Lol Older Chicks!!!

Well who the fuck knows what happens now when I walk out my door today. Woke up this morning with a business card on my chest, card had written on it "call me" and a number on back.. Have no clue how I got back last night. All I remember is smashing a martini glass against some ugly motherfucker wanna be pimp. The card that woke up with me read,Detective Rioas.  Apparently I can't be that much in trouble as the detective left a red lipsticked kiss on card. Not to mention I woke up totally nude. Have only done that lately with Lady M. Aint bruised and everything is in intact lol.

Kind of Sad that M is coming home tomorrow was beginning to like this living alone, but aint really living though. Have no clue how this poor woman could spend her life without living with somebody or getting married Jesus man wtf?" Just a life of endless meaningless relationships. Nah man I can't do it and I guess I'm not alone. Yet we tried it and well it didn't work such is the path of love,makes twists and turns maybe a straight road for a bit but always bumpy here and there huh. Also woke up with 600 bucks on top of laptop and thing is I can't and trust me have really tried to remember where the cash came from. One of the bills is soaked in blood so go figure. Lol omg M's laptop is stained LOL SHES GONNA KILL ME!!

At this point this blog is my link to me or what the hell I've been doing for past 3 days. Had the biggest headache yesterday guess the bullet did "tap" me a bit lmao.  I hate Blackouts its really just that one big fucking gap in your mind and what happened or didn't makes one stop drinking.  I drank now twice in 4 days. Losing M did affect me bad didn't know how much until today. This morning as I stumbled about trying to remember what happened last night and who the fuck is this cop? Going to call her and GAWD let it be a woman and not a guy in drag posing as a cop..LMAO!! can you imagine that rofl am busting up. See I remember that I was walking toward my favorite punching bag pimps. Then I remember the martini glass breaking and I guess fade to black. When I woke up this morning I figured I was dead. Clearly I am not.

update: One I no longer will drink lol what a night, from what I've heard so far, I got a little nutsy. LMAO
 I called the Detec lets call her "R" from here on. Was kinda nervous and a little excited though talking to her.
The "Detective" said she took me into "protective custody" lol! last night. She said nothing happened, since I passed out when I asked her to scratch my back. I like her shes hot in every way except one. I'm still into M big-time. Same thing happened with last heart stealer lol. Same with Sandy soon as I fell for her she bounced out. "R" said my place looked nice. I told her it wasn't mine anymore and explained a bit. She got it, asked me to call her soon when I'm ready.

Monday, April 26, 2010

I JUST WON'T DIE..

aM MADly drunk been months see am an asshole I always knew that man,. Sandy losing her HURT me like no other but Marianna losing her has sent me to the depths of hell itself,. Tonight I got shot right in forehead but as you can see by pic i fear no man no nigger with a cheap ass gun especially lmao,. I spit at gods love and grace I served you god for this?" you mother fucker God what have you ever done for me but tease me with love that never materializes you ask me to give up my soul i did you mother fucker what did you give back to me huh you fucker what did you ever do for me?" you think this outliving others while i survive is a gawdam prize how many have i sent you?"???????????????????? how many destroyers of children did i need send to feel your justice and for this i remain alone with a love by my side<> fuck you GOD JUST FUCK YOU MAN AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AM DONE LSOING BITCHES CAUSE OF YOU,.

My Vow to Peter..BLOWS...


Yea how could it not,. I had to do it huh,. Had to reach for my 15 mins of fame even though none would ever see or know,. Now I have lost another yet irreplaceable girl,. This Vow to Peter has become nothing short of a evil curse,. I serve God with everything I have but he takes all of what matters to me the most in life,. Now in a matter of days I should have money again and gobs of it so fucking what,. It really can''t buy you what you seek,.
Last night I was supposed to chill at Ben's pad,. Instead I just stayed at her apt,. Mostly reflected on why I'm so hot headed and quick to strike. I think I have lost all compassion and belief of the individuals integrity and dumped all women the ?"all lie pile?",. What a sorrowful loss for me,. Back on the road again,.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Time to prowl again lol

Well in a few hours I drop off lady M at airport,. I have a date few hours after I drop her off,. Thing is all the way in Oxnard,CA ,....meh.. I may pass on her as I have more Honeys to choose from locally,. But this would be a good reason to drop in on a old friend,. Ben and say hi.  Too many things to fix between Lady M and I and no doubt more on my side lol,. Just easier to start over with somebody else for both of us,.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I just can't do this anymore,.

I really tried but I just can/'t man,. Shes great and all but,. shes been alone too long and well shes set in her ways or I just ain/'t the guy that rocks her world,. Either way I/'m out and moving on to next stage in my life,. Am moving out when she gets back from her trip and am looking forward to really dating again,.

Wow Up & Down

"There Must Be An Angel"

No-one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overblown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart

I walk into an empty room
And suddenly my heart goes "boom"
It's an orchestra of angels
And they're playing with my heart

Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel

No-one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overblown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart

And when I think that I'm alone
It seems there's more of us at home
It's a multitude of angels
And they're playing with my heart

Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel

I must be hallucinating
Watching angels celebrating

Could this be reactivating
All my senses dislocating?

This must be a strange deception
By celestial intervention

Leavin' me the recollection
Of your heavenly connection

I walk into an empty room
And suddenly my heart goes "boom"
It's an orchestra of angels
And they're playing with my heart

Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I have to be myself

I really tried but I just can't do this anymore,। Am so sorry Lady M but I'm who I am,. Either a girl takes my hand and runs with me or she doesn't,. I'll always think of you and care for you deeply,. You with a doubt are fantastic,. but baby I need a cheerleader right now in my life,. You are lifesaver and you truly saved me from the very brink of homelessness. I truly love you for that sacrifice and loveliness from you. With ?"T" I left her with a small mess and I spent a small fortune cleaning it up,. The other day when we spoke she told me it was clean and gosh she sounded so fine,. Will never understand why I fell so dam hard for her,but Lady M I leave all the checks to you baby. What ever gets mailed to your address is you No more messes I से.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hmm I don't know

She's really nice but I just don't understand her, but as now I make a good coin. I have shown her that I what I told IS true. When I hit the road again am leaving her sitting ten times prettier financially than when I found her,. I think every man should always enrich as much as possible all ways included with every lady that he holds Dear. The very least for her sharing her heart and such a generous and wonderful spirit,. Everyday I stop by Church not a Mass as I don't have the time nor the inclination to hear a priest go on endlessly about this and that,. What God and I have is ours and I beg him daily to show my the way back to whatever I'm supposed is my Destiny,.

Soon my classes are finished and I am splitting to Europe am building and saving everything I can, as Europe is where I intend to spend rest of my Life,. I am whole and complete again,. I make good money now in a field so fucking unrelated to what I've known,. Took Lady M to Cora's on beach, Santa Monica,.m It was fun and well I guess like good friends that we will always be fun,. I look hot LMAO! Dam man I love the fuck out of life when a chick looks at me and smiles all hungrily,not flirt like, no man the look of say the word you fine mother fucker and I'll nail your cock all night,. Lmao a honey once told me that at a costco. Wow huh. Of course I don't appeal across the board to all females, lol I wish huh,. No I appeal to honeys that like that bad boy who lives onn the edge and likes to show his affection through actions and not always by words,. Yet every girl that ever has truly loved me never gave a dam about the money. Am lucky as most guys don't find that kind of sincerity often let alone almost every time.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

She lied and well later man,.

Almost
Look the thing is you want to lie and cheat fine good ahead,way I feel if you can give it then you can take it..right?" but if she can't take it? then we got a problem. So we gave it our best try and well sometimes it works for a while but then sometimes it nosedives. Ours hit the Earth like a Meteor. Later Doll and thank you for the best time of my life..as short as it was, almost half a year it was a blast being with you. Back on the road.

Friday, April 16, 2010

XO4All?"

Hmm something about a distribution email list with your email in it and xo's as ending..hmm just doesn't sound so special anymore huh like no longer is or ever was exclusive to the emails you both shared. Its like when my ex wife would tell anybody example Starbucks drivethru person,"omg ty I love you for extra cup". Its like is it that easy to love a stranger?" Hell man if your on fire in front of me I wouldn't even spit on ya to turn ya off if I don't like you.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

She said I had a

What a cool and mellow day huh,.. Couple bucks, pretty lady at home and well.......

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Boys, In case ya didn't know.

You be a dude and as trollish you may look, only we Men know how wondrous and a beautiful thing a "proper  Blow Job" is. Now if your new to oral sex well move on boy as this is for vets only..thanks.

Now a real Oral Jedistress?Can blow you so well and so hard that when you cum your gonna Tripp the way she swoons into a cum drunk trance..Wow man I love my girl. Now she turns to me other day and says, "wow baby you been hitting the herb a bit as you could taste the weed in the cum. Called me a "Dick-weed" as I walked away laughing my ass off to bathroom sink. So my girl can literally tell you what you been eating and now apparently what I've been smoking by the taste of my cum. She also told me that my "cum" has helped her gums and other vitamins. You can imagine both my "heads" nodding up and down total agreement looks, I' am shooting her back with. LOL OMG If you told me 2 years ago I would be running with the hottest sexiest Dame on this Earth, I would have just yawned with a yea right look.

Don't let any mother fucker tell ya that sex ain't important. Its everything for a woman. The power to change History to Herstory lies between those silky, misty, cloud like long legs...up to here..awwwwyeahhhhhhhh.  See its not about the orgasm for us guys. After all kinda of hard to fake a orgasm as a guy. So in the end we as low thick eyebrow-ed men could screw a pumpkin just purchased from the produce section of Von's and be good..Right?

Nope, see its what that sweet Lass under or on top, front or side by side its she that changes on how we feel about ourselves and how we as men look to and what looks back from a mirror. I raise my Mouse and Click to every Woman on this Planet.....<---throws and smashes mouse on fireplace and floats over to bedroom with one of those "Come Sister take my Hand, it is Time" look.

Friday, April 9, 2010

She wanted Rolaids

So I was like ok kinda late but I'll do anything for a girl I'm living with. So out I go figure I used to do rounds no different but it is. Example: In SFV you could walk for miles and not run into a soul. Here in Hollywood there's always somebody or something walking about. Tonight I s[poke to Lady M's Brother..very cool cat. He tried to do his best to gently dissuade me from his Sister and he knows her dam well. Yet I specialize in the impossible. So If I want Lady M's heart in my hands, then by the Merciful Grace of God's Will in Heaven above and the Cursed Devil drowning in Oceans of eternal fire below.  I will have her as long as she wants me.

This hood "bo" is rife with afterhour hunts, hehehe I think Daddy's gonna be happy here.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

She was great.

What a great Lady she is!. Cruises are going for a great price. Hmm wonder if I could land a job one of them lol.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Old Man at Club..Friend or Foe?

What have I learned this Easter? hmm, That getting laid is easier than falling down,put getting a honey to fall for you as much as you have been taken by her...well there lies the fun (rofl no pun intended). So how do you know your dating a  American Black Woman? See a month or 2 our relationship was going through a rough patch,even though we now were living together something was off. Yet something happened couple weeks ago or more when I spoke to "T" girl and everything finally became clear.  Now I'm completely devoted and loving to Lady M in every known way possible. I know how and I make it a point and its really easy to let her know how much she means to me daily and if I'm lucky forever. Below is a song I danced to with a gorgeous 22 year old beauty here at Skinnys a few months ago. If you want to dance with older girls go ahead but boy let me tell you now that no woman on this Earth only a girl moves like the wind in your hands again only a  sweetheart in her mid 20's.

If your a dude in his late 40's and want to hang with 21 year old girls, lmao go ahead and fuck anybody that calls ya a dirty old man. See young girls have one thing that older honeys no longer have. Its an innocent but mischievous laugh. As far as what did I do today... When I went down on Lady M this morning and she had a huge orgasm,I let some pour into a shot glass and drank her cum using a long red twizzle licorice stick candy. No doubt I'll get arrested if I write here how she repaid the favor... meh ^_=

Lyrics to Beggin' :
[Tshawe Baqwa:]
Oooooh-
Put your loving hand out, baby
I'm beggin

Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out baby
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out darlin

Ridin high, when I was king
Played it hard and fast, cause I had everything
Walked away, won me then
But easy come and easy go
And it would end

[Yosef Wolde-Mariam]

[Tshawe Baqwa:]
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out, baby
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out darlin

[Yosef Wolde-Mariam:]
I need you, (yeeah) to understand
Tried so hard
To be your man
The kind of man you want in the end
Only then can I begin to live again

[Tshawe Baqwa:]
An empty shell
I used to be
Shadow of my life
Was hangin over me

A broken man
Without a throne
Won't even stand the devils dance
To win my soul

[Yosef Wolde-Mariam]

[Tshawe Baqwa:]
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out, baby
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out darlin

[Yosef Wolde-Mariam:]
I'm fighting hard
To hold my own
No, I just can't make it
All alone

I'm holdin on
I can't fall back
Now that big brass ring
Is a shade of black

[Tshawe Baqwa:]
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out, baby
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out darlin

Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out, baby
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out darlin

Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out, baby
Beggin, beggin you
Put your loving hand out darlin 

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sigh..sex PWNTS...k

What a trip to run with a girl that's never been married or had kids. Yet shes older than me and fuck me if she aint a knockout. So am making a blog radio show for her and getting her book published online in fact I think I just finished that or she did lol who knows. Place in case you have a book you want to publish and sell at barnes or amazon place is: showwords.com. Blog radio to set up a free talk show and a webcam tv show. In return I get to a smile that lights up my room and yea the know ya know what is awesome... I have dated and loved MILFS and divorced single ladies but nothing on this green earth beats a non mom non married girl. Its like meeting your best friend except this one you can fall in love with and have gobs of dripping mozzarella based sex :)

Heheh we stayed in

We didn't make it to AZ...Hey man I'll take a cruise before I pay 500 clams for a room at the grand canyon. I've seen the canyon form 30k feet and am sure it doesn't look any better up close. We decided to make a website,ebook and blog for her new book for the weekend. Which in guy terms means lots of fun web work and tons of endless sex moments. I thought that after 27 years of marriage and later a year and half of countless sexscapedes I would be all chilled out in sexworld. Yet am not. I can't get enough of the magic.  I love Lady M how could I not. I think I may have found for what I have searched for a while now. But when you get divorced you lose that forever attitude and now I may understand a little better sweethearts like T girl and other unforgettable beauties.

They could see the temporary in my actions. I'm at a more permanent phase in life now. Enjoy facing the impossible daily. I like living with a woman way past my "paylevel" so much the better payoff for me I figure. How do you know stuff as a guy when your finally kinda of there as far making love to whom ever you want. See for what seems like a lifetime I was like a Jabba the hut at least thats how I saw myself. I guess fat-ass syndrome. The past years even though I traveled worldwide I was a introvert and most anti social. Today for first time I spotted more than a dozen babes that when they would stare at me. Didn't do what we always do with others and look away. Instead they would gleam their precious eyes at me some would even squint their eyes. I would look back,smile and wink slowly. It was a great freaking time in my life. See am used to getting picked up at clubs but a FREAKING METRO????? Man have been on cloud 9 ever since this afternoon.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Heheh we be driving to Grand Canyon

If a year and a half ago you would have told me I would weigh 145 lbs in March 2010 and I would be driving with a former Movie Actress now an Author, to Arizona's Grand Canyon, this weekend. I thinks I would (makes a Chris Rock Smile) had said,"Can I help you with that"? LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Right now shes doing Jane Fondas workout. I was like today look Babe you want to stay trim, lean and all hot looking like MOI?  Then BABY ITS CALLED  SEXERCISE.

The only thing to make my world Perfect would be doing a few 100 sets off Malibu point with my Son. Well we can't always get what we want,but hell bro sex more than 8 times a week....I'm good with that
^_-


 Rhythm of the Night
When it feels like the world is on your shoulders,
and all of the madness has got you going crazy.
Its time to get out, step out into the street,
Where all of the action is right there at your feet,
well, I know a place where we can dance all night away
underneath electric stars.
Just come with me and we can shake your blues right away,
youll be doing fine when the music starts, oh

To the beat of the rhythm of the night, dance until the morning light.
Forget about the worries on your mind, you can leave them all behind.
To the beat of the rhythm of the night,
oh, the rhythm of the night, oh yeah.

Look out on the street now, the partys just beginning,
the musics playing, a celebrations starting
Under the street lights the scene is being set
A night for romance, an night you wont forget

So, come join the fun, this aint no time to be staying home,
oh, theres too much going on.
Tonight is gonna be a night like youve never known.
Were gonna have a good time the whole night long.

To the beat of the rhythm of the night, dance until the morning light.....

Come, join the fun, this aint no time to be staying home....

To the beat of the rhythm of the night, dance until the morning light.
Forget about the worries on your mind, you can leave them all behind.
To the beat of the rhythm of the night, dance until the morning light.
Forget about the worries on your mind.
To the beat of the rhythm of the night, oh baby, Im crying.
Forget about the worries on your mind.
To the beat of the rhythm of the night, oh baby,
Forget about the worries on your mind.
The musics playing, its a celebration , the musics playing,
Everybody dance to the beat of the rhythm of the night
Forget about the worries on your mind, you can leave them all behind.
To the beat of the rhythm of the night, dance until the morning light........