Saturday, February 6, 2010

Shes like a Movie Star.

Am old school and well a movie star to means something totally different in way than today's version of one. Maybe its cause I was younger and the movie business was evolving into something bigger than us all. When I wake on average 6-30 am I'll lay on my side and look at my girl sleep. She wears a eye mask and earplugs. Why do I mention that? Its the second time I know a woman that does the same thing. The thing is she has a Masters from Cornell in the Arts if I remember. I've seen her tapes of plays in New York and she writes books.Shes never been married or had kids. She lived once with a lucky guy for only a couple years, but the idiot lost her. When I see guys just openly stare at her I so fucking love it. When we lie together on our side, so close you be hard pressed to slip a sheet of paper between us. Her eyes so twinkle when she looks at me. Last night I blocked forever every girls number I ever knew. This Lady is the One.

Its been one hell of journey to get here man. I can't even remember the hearts and men I've hurt cause I was insane with grief and pain. I've been wounded many times as well. I was leaving the country in a few months for good. Untill she held my heart in her hands and well I was lost forever. Right now as I blog she talks to her siblings and she looks like a girl right out of Archie comic books, with her long legs crossed over the one she looks like a teenager. Funny thing we just had some madly wondrous love making and wow bro just Bro!! Like this afternoon she told me as she lay in my arms that "she never had been loved so completely". You can imagine how I tripped inside my broken brain.

What women will never understand and yes some do get it.but guys like me well we need a woman, the right one. One that verifies and vindicates our manly way. Its only a small thing after all men like me that raise kids and stayed married for epoch well we are the kind most men try to aspire to. Now many friends hold me again as a bastion of will power and self improvement. The secret of getting a woman like Lady "M", the true magic that it takes to cast every addiction you ever were under its influence. Its so fucking simple so easy to do and that's why every one that can't hear me will fail. Look at me fucker when I talk to you for I see the demons that hold your soul in its vise like stranglehold. I mean after you read this post go look at yourself in the mirror. When you do you, no doubt you will turn away as you will only see the ugly of your face and life force. Now hang there for exactly 5 minutes.

When you hit the Magic 5 tell yourself loud and clear and I mean just fucking yell it asshole, who gives a shit who hears you. YELL IT!!!!!!! Say this "I love you" as you look at yourself in the mirror. When you say it enough that you cry and see yourself for what a good person really are and the better person you will spend the rest of your life being. Then my virtual blogging, twittering, facebook, bitch, only then my dear friend only right then and there can you really give up every addiction easily, forever and never again have a craving for them.

I used to weigh 300lbs A YEAR AND A HALF A GO. I now weigh 148. I have abs on my tummy and 4 days ago a girl honked her horn and waved at me on Vine ave in Hollywood. I life weights daily and walk 2-3 miles a day. I gave up smoking a pack of cigarettes for over 30 years a year and half ago. I don't drink a liter of soda a day like I did for decades. I stopped drinking hard liquor a while ago and never so much as gave it a second thought. It took me filing a divorce the ripping of my past memories of my kids and family life. Took that and year and half of no TV,movies,radio,news complete shutting down of all information and distraction to survive. There where times last year, I would have thrown myself off any bridge, only problem is I don't die.

Now after knowing a literal Goddess for only three (3) months the Angel I described so poorly above. After all forgive me, for what mortal can express any hobbled language to explain what he has just encountered. We moved in together and wow I now hear music where there was none. I can see fuzzy blue light where only purple bitterness floated. I am nice to all. I hold none responsible for my mistakes and I  thank God for any humble victories. I look at the past and know that I was there when my kids needed me the most. Today I stand the strongest, cleanest in soul and mind of my kind. I have a love that I never knew could even exist.
 See the love of my life doesn't know that there's a certain spot in our apt that I can sit there with my legs crossed listen to my mp3 player and smile as she talks with her family on phone. She doesn't look a day over 19. I love you Lady M

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