Well Lady M won me for Thanksgiving weekend. We're madly lucky! Wow When I wrote that this morning I was feeling all happy, fuzzy and shit. Now I have that look and cold feeling again, whenever I remember my past life? So who knows if she does get to claim her prize in me for I can love like no other, but right now I feel love for none. Physically outward I became like I was never before, all trim and tight, yet emotionally inward I became an unfeeling monster with a deformed murderous heart bent on immersing himself in every carnal pleasure with a beauty. In front of God I bow with pride at Acts I've done without a second thought of crimes done in His Name. I cringe at the unloving advantages I've played on the loving hearts of women and soon worldwide beauties as well.
Update: Mid afternoon Just had an affair with my Cook in her van. Shes so freaking nice, but heavily married. Reason #85,734,625,629,427. Why I'm going to Hell for Eternity. You would think I would be a nicer guy and yea I used to be Mr. Nice Dude...long time ago. Now? lol am like every other alley cat you've seen in alley. All mangy, scarred, mean-faced, but dam glad to be alone and forever unloved. This is second year. I dont have my kids at my table. Will I sit home all sad and somber like last year? Hell no, this time I'm the mother fucker busting a honeys heartfelt nut.
Now a "tone" in a chicks voice, no longer bothers or is a cause of concern. Just act nice, no need to even make an excuse, bounce up an onto next Honey. No drama, unpleasantness, or need for revenge fucks. Just move on to next meet a new Dame party. The planets full of broads each sweeter and nicer than the one before. Yea maybe I'm a little jaded, but my heart or whats left of it. Is now surrounded by titanium walls and I'll never be hurt again. To me that's everything.
Let NOT this post be taken as a bitter comment by an old man. I write this so other men in my jam up and can take heart and comfort that this too will pass but as cursed Satan below is my witness you will be different when you emerge from the depth of such pain and loneliness like you have never known, So yes when you finally climb, claw, pull and yea even "willed" yourself out. That Man that finally steps, standing straight and tall on the lip of that evil Pit, Yes that man will be you, but it will never be the same you again.
You will change daily and everyday you'll get stronger in your being, but parts of you will be forever lost and you'll actually see them leave your consciousness. No Fucking Woman of this Earth will ever push, pull or lead me to that god damned PIT AGAIN!!!!!!! If I may explain before my post again is taken or risked to seem bitter? When you get run over and dragged by a tour bus for a block or two in London and pop out with just of a couple skinned knees, like it happened to me. Couple things become a given. 1). You see life differently and 2). You always look both ways when crossing a corner, just in case another tour bus has your name on it. So see it ain't about bitterness you BITTER effused Reader. Its about survival.... you wad.